December 5:
Number of interviews on horizon: 0
Number of rejections past 2 days: 7
My weight: 296.2
Husband’s weight: 300.6
I had an old student employee contact me today. She was trying to covertly ask if I would
help her by proofing her paper. The covert
operation was not nearly as covert as she had hoped. But, it’s Christmas, end of semester, and she
must be as stressed out as they come. I
read her paper, very good, for what it is worth, but had obvious mistakes that
were made due to lack of sleep or lack of time.
I still love this old student employee a great deal and know she will
become something amazing.
It’s hard because I’m really good at editing her paper. I had spent a year and some learning what
instructors wanted across the board to really help students. That’s why I got amazing numbers. That’s why I had so many return visits.
I wouldn’t say that I miss my old job or even editing. I would say that I miss making a difference
and mattering. My contractor job is
wonderful because I don’t matter, and only occasionally does anyone even notice
what I do and whether I am there. I love
the lack of stress, I love who I work with, and most of the time I don’t mind
what I do.
But, I’m in that no interviews, lots of rejections slump
that everybody in my place experiences.
I’ve known people to jump from one job to the next, no problem. I believe that these are the people who just
couldn’t handle the slump because they aren’t strong enough. At least, that is what I tell myself to make myself feel better.
The student asked me how everything was and my answer was: “Everything
is great. I still haven't found my "real" full time job yet. But, I
have this one, where my husband works, until I find one. They extended the contract
last week to February. I'm hoping to find something that isn't just database work,
but I love working with my husband. And, there is no stress at this job. I miss
knowing that I made a difference in people's lives. I think that was why I was
so happy when you asked me to read your paper. It's nice to use my brain for
good. I'm super happy, but yet, ya know, still looking for my place in the
world.”
My “tornness” of what to do is pretty clear. In my book Coaching Yourself to a New Career, suggests that I haven’t learned
enough in the current work position, which is why I am still here. Tonight I will work on what is still needed
to learn.
You know, I have absolutely everything I could ever want and
things that people would kill for: perfect husband, working with husband, easy
job with no stress, amazing best friend, who understands, and more money than
we have ever seen. That’s why I am able
to make these changes. But, I long for
making a difference, having my opinion respected, and my presence acknowledged.
My husband’s company’s competitor put an advertisement up that was
obviously calling our company out. He
was angry, but out of nowhere, which seems to be where my wisdom comes from
said:
“If we weren’t doing something right, we wouldn’t have enemies.”
Just something I need to think on.
